Social media is critical for communication amongst peers, but there is a certain limit to when this becomes too much. A study of Arab teens discovered that over 60% of teens believe that social media negatively affects their mental health. Another study explained that most teens struggle with FOMO due to the constant pressures of mainstream media to be a part of the big group and not to miss out on the next big trend. While this is most definitely true, and the negative side effects of social media are most certainly evident, I believe that teens shouldn’t fully go without social media as it serves as a critical growth point in their developing lives.
The brain is drawn to technology due to its newness, and this can make kids susceptible to being addicted to tech and subsequently social media. However, technology is the future, and social media is the future of communication. Teenagers need to learn how to interact through social media because they will be doing it for the rest of their lives. While it is quite easy to become addicted, the simple remedy is enhanced “training” by parents to ensure that their teens are safe on the internet. And while technology may negatively affect a child’s brain throughout their development, close sensoring and limiting by parents at an especially young age should ensure that no critical lapses will occur in a child’s development.
Overall, while technology can become easily addictive and can lead to negative mental health struggles, it is a critical part of teenager’s development and it will be around for a long time, so teens will have to learn one way or another how to thrive through social media.
Category 1: Idea Development
The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: I like how the author uses the importance off social media to introduce the topic.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . .
make a personal connection?
Category 2: Organization
The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: Organization is done very well.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . It has and intro and a conclusion with the meat of it in the middle.
Category 3: Style
Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: I like the style the author writes with its very professional and to the point.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . Keep it the way it is.
Overall your commentary and analysis on your topic are really good as it seems like you have a good grasp on the advantages and disadvantages that technology and social media can have on the young developing minds of teenagers.
Category 1: Idea Development
The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion, and reasons for the opinion.
Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgment of information.
PRAISE: The idea development throughout your Pro Column is very strong as you take the steps to explain the topic and the issues that surround it while also offering up a good defense for it as well.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD make some little changes to your argument to make it flow a little bit better, but overall it is a very good topic to discuss and you do a great job at making a solid argument.
Category 2: Organization
The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: Overall the organization is strong as you start with a strong thesis that offers different perspectives on the topic and the importance of both.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD slightly tweak the organization of some things, but overall I like how the paragraphs separate the different stages of your argument.
Category 3: Style
Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: Your tone in your argument is strong as you take a position and back it up with solid evidence. Your writing is very persuasive and inviting for the reader to understand what you are discussing while bringing in new perspectives.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD maybe tweak some argumentative phrases, but overall I understand what you are trying to get across to the reader!
Category 1: Idea Development
The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: This argument develops some nuance through the presentation of two opposing points of view on the subject in question. Good job for including complexity and taking a well rounded approach.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD lean more into the nuance that you presented and take more time to explore each side. Both sides suffer from being slightly “underbaked” if you will. I think this could actually be a really solid piece that weighs the pros and cons of social media but simply more thought and exploration needs to be on the page for that to happen.
Category 2: Organization
The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: Your position is very clear and is brought up multiple times throughout the essay.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD spend some time thinking about the transitions and how to connect your thoughts.
Category 3: Style
Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: Strong statistics and numerical evidence in the first paragraph that brings the context into focus.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD maybe include a personal experience of some sort to build credibility.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
PRAISE: I like how you bring up your claim that teens are using too much social media almost immediately.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD try to use more in-text evidence with hyperlinks to back up the studies you are citing, and develop the “training” concept more to give an idea of what it would look like.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
PRAISE: I like how you utilized transitions to connect the introduction, evidence and conclusions.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD improve your middle paragraph, as it seems somewhat purposeless right now because you spend most of it offering solutions to your problem rather than explaining why it is a problem.
Category 3: STYLE
PRAISE: I like your formal but not academic tone that is able to tackle a complex topic while still being able to give understanding of it to someone who may not be familiar with it.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD try to implement an antithesis, or try to respond to potential criticisms and downsides of your solution.